


The final nail in the coffin.

by Hatchico



Series: Shizaya one-shots [10]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 16:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21461026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchico/pseuds/Hatchico
Summary: "You won. I yield"Yet it still hurts. The memory burned fresh in my mind just like the feeling of my legs still throbbing in pain at the thought of you.I'm not a god, I'm not even a man.I'm just a coward
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: Shizaya one-shots [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1352053
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	The final nail in the coffin.

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the tags

That day is still fresh in my mind. The sound of your voice, the way you looked at me. The way you felt as you crushed my bones...all still very vivid. 

That was it. Our farewell to each other. It ended typically as our lives had always been with each other. Violent and hateful. That's not how I wanted it to end though Shizuo. You know very well that you were supposed to kill me. You were going to until our moment was spoiled. I don't know if I should be angered or relieved that I'm still alive.

Do you wonder why I stopped running? Why I turned to face you when we both knew that the odds of me winning against you in a fight like that was virtually impossible? I think you know why. Still, though I wonder if you would have hesitated if Vorona weren't there. I sometimes wonder if you ever enjoyed the relationship we shared. I have to admit you truly are a legend and I'm glad I could always grab your attention without lifting a finger.

But that's beside the point. You may be wondering why I'm writing to you out of the blue. Will I return to Ikebukuro? Haha don't worry my dear Shizu-chan I won't be doing that. The reason I'm writing to you is because you're important to me and you're the only one I want to read this though I guess I can't stop you from spreading this letter around. But I know you won't do that. You're too good of a person. You're nothing like me.

I hope I'm not boring you too much Shizuo and I know you want me to get to the point but won't you please deal with my flowery language just a bit longer? After all, there are so many things I want to tell you before I lose my nerve again and discard the letter. You most likely won't even receive this as I'm frankly too afraid to send it. Perhaps even if I do once you realize who it's from you'll just tear it to shreds.

Still, I don't want to hold anything back so if you are reading this just stick it out. After all, I'm going to be honest for once in my life. 

Shizuo Heiwajima, you have always defied my expectations and just as it seems I figured you out you do something else that surprises me. You're one of a very select few who have been able to do that and out of all of you, you are my favorite. I still sometimes wonder what you're up to in that wonderful city you laid claim to. Do you still smoke? I miss the scent of tobacco. I miss you actually.

I know you don't feel the same but I genuinely miss you so much. I hadn't a clue for so long and after many months of sitting around trying to get better, I always had you on my mind. You're like a disease slowly eating away at all my senses. I don't mind it as much as I used to I've grown to accept the fact that I miss you possibly more than I miss the actual city.

That day you were supposed to kill me was a day I have burned into my mind, hell my very soul. I wanted you to kill me. I wish you had. I'm not the same man I once was and frankly, I can never go back to being the great Izaya Orihara. Infamous in both Ikebukuro and Shinjuku.

Do you regret not finishing me off as much as I regret it?

I think, no, I know you'll be happy to hear this. You've won. You've destroyed me beyond repair. What I've become is pathetic and I hate it so much.

I always labeled you as a monster but in the end, you proved me wrong. You took my king right from underneath my nose essentially. You're not a monster. It's always been me and monsters only hurt people. They're irremediable and will do anything to anyone.

But most importantly monsters aren't afraid to kill and that's why I just want you to know that... I'm sorry for everything. I wish things between us could have been different. I wish I could have been a good person but in the end, that would never be the case.

I'm the villain

You're the hero

But even so, I can't help but admire and envy you. You're all the things I wish I could be and more. Shizuo I don't want you to remember me. I want you to forget I ever existed and live your life. Shizuo, I'm a coward and never had the guts to say this out loud but...

I love you

Farewell


End file.
